How it all began

I watched the movie, Eat Pray Love with total fascination. I read the book, Eat Pray Love with a hunger that I cannot describe. Why could I not do that? Where is my destiny? Who am I? The similarities between what Elizabeth Gilbert wrote and what was going on in my mind, as I read her words, were beyond verbalisation… I began to dream. I could do this and I would do this. “How, when, where and who” buzzed in my brain. But I began to dream. My life, at the time of both watching and reading Elizabeth’s story, was the loneliest and most isolated existence of my entire life. There was no one with whom I could talk this through…. There was no one with any true interest. But it was all part of the great plan, I now believe. I had to do this alone. My background is a series of messes and mishaps. I do not believe that it was possible for me to have made more bad choices and decisions than those I did make. I went from one disaster to another. It would be the complete and utter truth to say that I lived my life alone… I lived it unguided and went into everything I did like a raging bull in a china shop. Oh they say that we should not blame our parents or our upbringing, but I have to state categorically, who, or what, the hell else do we blame? Somewhere over the past 2 years, I completely lost my incentive to write and record. It was as though I had died. My spirit had gone on vacation it seemed. I even lost my love of music…. The lyrics pained me too much…